omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
