They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
