I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Your penis caused this!
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