Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
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woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
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mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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