make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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