these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
