8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
