I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
