i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
