I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
