he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
