I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize