Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
