you guys were way drunker than both of me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
