Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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