Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
