I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
