there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
