i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
