He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
