I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
