Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
