I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
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they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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