Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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