That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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