we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
