Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
