I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
