i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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