We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
