If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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