i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
