she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
how drunk are you?
Several
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
