And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
