Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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