Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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