You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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