addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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