Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he was CRYING into my vagina
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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