I think my fart just growled at me.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
