Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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