I need to stop coming to work sober
I intend to get homeless drunk
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
