Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
