Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
