my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
