Having a random hookup so left but love u
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
