He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
