And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
