Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
