dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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