Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
