Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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