girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
