got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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