Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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