forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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