so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
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giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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