The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
