I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
