kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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