Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
