I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
