Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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