My nipple is on Facebook.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
