my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dick very happy bro
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
