I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
